Heart of Grace Read online

“Sarah! What a nice surprise. What are you doing here?”

  “She’s just about to go, actually,” Janine interjects ushering Amber out of the way and towards the parking lot. “Aren’t you?”

  “I-uh, yep. Got my dinner in this bag, I was just headed home.”

  “Well, drive safely,” Sarah comments before gesturing to Janine. “You hungry?”

  Janine takes one last look at Amber before smiling up at Sarah. “Starving.”

  “That idiot eventually figured it out,” she comments as she makes her way to her car. Amber doesn’t bother to wipe the amused smile on her face.

  ***

  “So how was your date?” Amber asks with a smirk when Janine walks in.

  “Jesus could you be any more embarrassing?”

  “I could, if I tried. Spill the beans, girl.”

  Janine groans but goes on to tell her story anyway. After Amber left her an otherwise useless tip about who her secret admirer is all those weeks ago, she’d finally decided to go to the bakery herself and ask if anybody had been buying chocolate chip muffins.

  “Did that help your search for your secret admirer?”

  “Not at all.”

  “So how did you get to going on a date with Sarah?”

  Janine pauses and makes a face at her. “Are you gonna let me tell you the damn story or what?” Amber puts her hands up in surrender and gestures for Janine to continue. “Well, Sarah was there carrying empty crates out back and tripped or slipped or something. So I go to help her out and then we were joking about being clumsy and dropping things like food on our clothes and then she asked if I wanted to avoid dropping food on our clothes together at dinner so I said yes.”

  “That’s it?”

  “Yeah, man. This isn’t a fairytale. This is just a woman asking another woman out on a date.”

  “But what about your secret admirer?”

  Janine just shrugs as she takes a bite out of her chocolate chip muffin. “I have no idea. Their present stopped showing up the day after I went to the bakery and asked about them. I probably spooked them so they stopped. Which I’m pretty damn thankful for because then I don’t have to go insane worrying about where they came from. Now I can go back to being myself.”

  “Well, I’m happy for you, Janine. Sarah’s great.”

  “Yeah she is. Plus she already works at the bakery. The leftovers are free! How freaking convenient is that?”

  Amber shakes her head in pure amusement, glad to know some things end up working out for other people if not for herself.

  ***

  “Hey, Jackie, you got time for a joke?” Heather asks from her seat when Jackie, the lean brunette Heather works with at the camp, turns and offers a tight smile. “No, I gotta return a phone call pretty soon. Rhonda’s about to come out of our meeting, though. You can tell her.”

  “Tell me what?” Rhonda asks once she reaches where Heather’s sitting. But Jackie’s already on her way to the other side of the building. Heather shakes her head trying not to feel so put off. It’s just a joke, some people just don’t have time for them.

  “Nothing. It’s nothing. What’s on the agenda today anyway?”

  The rest of the day feels like a wash even though she does her best to keep a genuine happy face for her own sanity. And for a while it works. She goes about helping train the newest members alongside Rhonda and participate in all the activities. But by the end of the day, she feels more exhausted keeping up appearances than going about her day.

  “Come on, let’s go to dinner. My treat,” Rhonda suggests on their way home.

  They head to a local taco truck parked oceanside where they can see the gorgeous view.

  “Can I say something but you have to promise that you won’t be offended?”

  Heather chuckles. “What kind of deal is that? Just tell me what it is.”

  "Fine. You looked miserable today, dude.”

  Heather puts down her fish taco and tilts her head in confusion. “What? Really?”

  “Yeah. Like you were good around the groups but when it was just you, you kept frowning. I never thought I’d see you frown that much. Hell, I didn’t think you could even frown that much.”

  “I just had a bad day. It won’t be like that forever.”

  “Why were you having a bad day anyway? Just woke up on the wrong side of my couch or what?” Rhonda jokes, but Heather knows there’s sincerity underneath that.

  “It’s going to sound stupid if I say it.”

  “Well, just say it and I’ll tell you how dumb you sound.”

  Heather takes a deep breath. “Jackie didn’t want to hear a joke.” Rhonda holds her taco mid-air and stares at Heather who just rolls her eyes. “I told you it was dumb.”

  “No, it’s not dumb. Just...surprising.”

  “Yeah. You’re telling me. I mean, who doesn’t have time for a joke?”

  “Busy people.”

  “Everyone’s busy.”

  Rhonda just shrugs. “I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe you should just stick to telling them to people you know will listen to you even though they’re really lame jokes.”

  One person pops in her mind.

  ***

  Heather looks up from staring off into space to find Rhonda beckoning for her to get up to the front so she can speak to the handful of thirteen year olds that they’re working with today.

  “So feeling lost about your place in life is easy. Sometimes it’s too easy. Especially at your age, it feels like it’s the only thing happening to you. But the trick is that you find something or someone or a combination of the two to help anchor you, and help you stay grounded. That could be your dog, your friends, your family, your favorite books, your favorite musicians, your favorite television show, your favorite sport, your favorite anything. Your anchors are supposed to be things that remind you that you are a good person who is full of potential. So that when life gets you down or pushes you down for any reason, you think of those anchors and let them remind you that you’re not alone and that you can do anything you want with your life because they’ll be there to support you.”

  By the end of her speech, she stay rooted in her spot and looks out onto the group of kids in front of her. Rhonda takes over and divides them into sets of partners as they write down the anchors in their lives.

  “That was a dope speech, Heather. Anchors, that was deep. No pun intended. I’m pretty much assigning you to doing the speech to all the other groups.”

  Still somewhat dazed, she just nods before walking around the room and listening to the kids.

  ***

  “I didn’t think you’d be up.”

  Heather turns her head from her vantage point in the kitchen to find Rhonda standing by the breakfast bar.

  “Did I wake you?”

  “No. The smell of banana bread wafting into my room did.”

  “Sorry. I couldn’t sleep.”

  Rhonda takes a piece from the nearest loaf of banana bread out of the handful spread out on the counters in front of her before sitting on the stool. “I know. You haven’t been able to sleep for the last few days. I’m starting to wonder if you’re sick. But I’m not gonna lie, baking as a symptom sounds fine by me.”

  Heather laughs before offering a fork and glass of milk to Rhonda.

  “I don't know. I can't figure out if this place changed or if I did. I mean, I loved doing this camp a couple of years ago. But it just feels different now, you know?”

  “No. But I get it.”

  “I don’t know. I just feel like I’m missing something.”

  Rhonda takes another bite of banana bread waving her fork while resting her head on her fist.

  “I think I know what you’re missing.”

  “Which is what?”

  “I think we both know what you’re missing.”

  Heather scoffs. “No we don’t.”

  “Sure we do. It's 4 AM and you just made six loaves of banana bread, Heather. Don’t you think that’s ki
nd of odd? I mean, why make banana bread? Why not make cookies or cupcakes like normal insomniacs?”

  “I-” Heather hesitates to speak, unsure of what the answer could be if she let her mind wander. Instead, she asks, “So what are you saying?”

  “I’m saying you’re missing your anchors,” Rhonda suggests before drinking the rest of her milk and heading back to her room. “Don’t forget to cover the bread. I wanna bring some to work tomorrow.”

  With the quiet thud of Rhonda’s door shutting, Heather’s left alone with her thoughts and six loaves of banana bread.

  ***

  “I can’t say I’m surprised,” Rhonda says with a sigh after Heather reveals a few days later that she’s not staying and has handed her resignation in to Jackie. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not still disappointed.”

  “I’m sorry. But you were right. I have to go back home.”

  ***

  Amber is the last to hand in her final report to Dr. Harvey after a long but fulfilling month of night courses. “You did excellent in my class. Are you considering any other business courses here at Grace Tech?”

  “I am, actually.”

  Her professor nods appreciatively. “Well, I would be delighted to have you in my other courses, should you choose to take them.”

  “Thank you. That means a lot. I’ll keep that in mind.”

  “Good. I think you’ll excel there, too. I’ll see you on exam night.”

  Feeling great about Dr. Harvey’s encouraging words and being done with her final report, she sets off to Nina’s for a small congratulatory drink for herself. She’s excited to find Sarah there chatting with Fiona.

  “Congrats on getting through summer school,” Sarah says, clinking their drinks together.

  “Well I still have to take the exam, but thanks. Where’s Janine, anyway? Did she already go to Georgia or is that tomorrow?”

  “Yeah, she went back to Georgia today, but she’ll be back on Tuesday next week.”

  “Well, good. Sad to have missed her, but that just means we have plenty to catch up on next week.”

  The pair eventually settle into conversation catching up about Amber’s classes and the progress Sarah and Janine’s relationship have taken over the few weeks.

  “Did you ever tell her you were her secret admirer?”

  Sarah laughs, ducking her head down from embarrassment. “No. She seems content in not knowing who it was. But I feel like she’ll figure it out soon if she pays close attention to my signatures. For now we can keep it a secret between us.”

  “Good plan.”

  “So what about you?”

  “What about me?”

  “How are you holding up? Since, you know…”

  Amber sighs. “Honestly?”

  “Please.”

  “I’m ok. I still miss her, still wonder if I’d made the right decision. I heard someone butcher a joke the other day and all I could think about was how Heather would be able to tell the joke properly,” she explains before taking a sip of her drink.

  “She did have a knack for telling them.”

  “Yeah,” she breathes out.

  “Can I ask you something? But feel free to decline if you don’t feel up to it. Because it’s, you know, personal and I wouldn’t-”

  “Go ahead,” she interrupts reassuringly. “What’s your question?”

  “You think you ever loved her?”

  The fastest answer she can reach is ‘No’, her mind’s way of protecting herself. But it wouldn’t be the right or the honest one.

  “I think I still do.”

  Sarah eventually steers the conversation to lighter topics to which Amber is grateful. She doesn’t want to ruin a perfectly good evening with thoughts of how much Heather’s absence still affects her, still reminds her of what she’s missing.

  ***

  Heather takes three deep calming breaths before she knocks on the front door praying to God that this decision doesn’t bite her in the ass.

  “Surprise.”

  Dianne stands in complete shock across from her and Heather doesn’t know if she should move or speak or do anything. So she just waits for Dianne.

  She almost topples over when Dianne lunges forward and pull her in a bone-crushing embrace.

  “What the hell are you doing here?! Shouldn’t you be in a tropical island right now?” asks, pulling away just enough but keeping Heather within her grasp.

  Heather shrugs. “I missed home.”

  Dianne’s eyes fill with tears and she pulls Heather in another hug squeezing her tightly. Heather doesn’t hesitate to squeeze back, already feeling like she’d made the right decision.

  ***

  The first morning after her surprise visit, Heather wakes up with a start. She bolts upright and looks around for the time to see if she’s late only to peel her eyes open to the rest of her surroundings and find that she’s no longer overlooking the ocean but Dianne and Winston’s house next door. The confusion and panic is quickly replaced by relief that she ends up cackling to herself for it.

  She thought she’d made her decision, all those weeks ago, about what to do with her life. But sometimes life has a way of switching things around for better things that she may not have considered.

  She fires up her computer and checks her email to find a message from Rhonda.

  Aloha, my friend!

  I hope you made it back safely back there. Still sad to see you go, but I have a feeling you’ll be there for a while. So just don’t forget to keep in touch and visit maybe once in a while. Maybe I’ll come up there sometime, too, just to see what you’re calling home these days.

  I heard a joke yesterday at lunch I thought you’d think was dope, and I was getting ready to text it to you, but you are still the only person I know under the age of 30 who doesn’t have a phone. So now you get to miss out on that joke. Get a phone, man!

  Let’s talk soon!

  -Rhonda

  P.S. Can you send me your banana bread recipe?

  ***

  It’s another doorstep she’s standing in front of and so far she’s doing good, so hopefully this doesn’t blow up on her face.

  She rings the doorbell twice and waits patiently, nerves keeping her bouncing on the balls of her feet.

  “Coach Lara,” she says. Lara, in her dressed down in house clothes wearing her glasses, smiles.

  “Coach Heather. Did you have a good vacation?”

  Heather smirks. “Dianne told you I was back, didn’t she?”

  “Let’s just say I got a small box of chocolate croissants with a note attached to it this morning. Come in, come in. I just made a new pot of coffee.”

  Heather lets herself get ushered in and spends the next couple of hours catching up like time hadn’t passed at all.

  ***

  Heather is certain beyond words that Amber knows she's back in town. Amber doesn't owe her anything but it's been almost a week since she returned, she was hoping Amber would pick a fight with her. She'd welcome whatever it was just for the chance of Heather seeing her again. She just wants another chance knowing a large part of missing this place is Amber, knowing she’s Heather's biggest anchor.

  "I was going to turn this place into my scrapbooking studio," Dianne says wistfully walking in as Heather rearranges the furniture in the room.

  "You don't scrapbook."

  "Could've. But I guess having you around again is fine for now."

  Heather resumes rearranging her things while Dianne just watches by the door.

  "Are you just gonna stand there?" she asks when she finishes moving the small desk by the window.

  "Are you not going to do anything about Amber?" Heather sighs and knew it was only a matter of time. A week seems long enough for Dianne.

  "Not right now," she grunts, shifting the bookshelf to the corner wall. “As you can see, I’m pretty busy.”

  “She knows you’re back.”

  “Did you also send her a box of chocolate croissants
?” she asks. Dianne cringes slightly, properly chastised.

  “Look, all I’m saying is that I’ve seen her around and Sarah’s seen her around and she’s still miserable, even if she’s pretending she isn’t.”

  “Good. She broke up with me.”

  “Can you blame her?” Heather huffs, taking a seat on the edge of her bed. Dianne follows suit and sits beside her. “As flattering as it is for me to think you came back all because of me, I know that’s not true.”

  “Plus, Winston would get jealous.”

  “Yeah, he’d want you to have come back for him. But the point is that I know you feel something special for her. And I’m pretty sure that she feels the same way about you.”

  “How do you know all this?”

  Dianne tsks her before patting Heather on the back. “Heather, please. You stick around a place long enough, you learn a thing or two.”

  ***

  “Hey, Ambs?”

  “Yeah?” She tilts her head to turn a listening ear towards the door where Ana’s standing as she’s taking a quick inventory in the backroom, as per Una’s orders.

  “Can you get this customer, real quick? I have to use the restroom like now.”

  “Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure. Go ahead, I’ll take care of it.” She rushes out to the front and finds a couple of people hunched over something between them. “What can I get for you gu-”

  The words die on her lips when the they look up and her eyes meet Heather’s. She looks back to where she’d just been, Ana standing with an impish grin on her face.

  “What do you-what are you doing here?”

  “Sarah wants a regular mocha latte and I want you to unbreak this break up.”

  “What?”

  “You were wrong. Unbreak this breakup.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Amber, you broke up with me on insufficient evidence.”

  She shakes her head, not needing this headache right now, or ever. “No, you accepted the job in Hawaii.”

  “Yeah because you assumed that there was no chance for anything else but that.”

  Affronted, she glares at Heather. “Don’t you dare put this on me.”

  “I’m not. I promise, I’m not. I made my decisions and I stand by them. But I still want you to unbreak this breakup. I don’t like it, and I know you don’t like it either.”