Heart of Grace Read online

  “Are you gonna go?”

  “Yeah, but it’s only 4:30. I’d like to get a snack.”

  “Don’t you think this is a little more important than a snack?” The look on Dianne’s face means she’s serious and Heather sighs, abandoning the idea of getting something to eat.

  “Ok,ok. I’ll go talk to her.” Heather puts her helmet back on and drives away while Dianne watches her like a hawk. She doesn’t know why Dianne’s acting so weird about the whole thing considering she’s not the one who was in that argument.

  ***

  Amber pulls up to the park ten minutes early and finds Heather leaning against her parked moped eating a bag of pretzels. She’d hoped to have some time to calm her nerves before talking to Heather but that doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.

  She gets out of her Jeep but stays beside it, leaning on it for support as she stands across Heather.

  “Hi.”

  “Hey.”

  “Long time no see.”

  “I, uh-I’m sorry I made you leave,” she says instead as she wrings her hands.

  “If I were you I’d done the same thing. I understand.”

  An awkward silence envelopes them and she knows that Heather’s waiting for her to talk since she’s the one who invited her here. But now that she’s face to face with Heather after days that have dragged on, she’s a little at a loss for words.

  “Are we still fighting?” Heather asks, just to break the silence.

  “No. I’m not mad anymore. I was, because you kept something big from me when I tell you everything. But I’m not mad anymore.”

  Heather kicks a loose gravel away from her feet. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It came as a surprise to me and I didn’t know what to do with it at the time.”

  Amber nods, wanting to understand all of it.

  “Do you know what to do with it now?”

  Heather just shakes her head.

  “When does that job start?”

  “End of the month. Deadline to decide is in three days.”

  Amber rubs the heel of her hands on her eyes forcing herself not to cry. This is her being the bigger person. Or trying to be. “You should go.”

  “What?”

  “You want to go. I can see it in your eyes. It’s exactly the kind of thing that you want to do with your life. So go.”

  Heather scoffs in frustration. “It’s not that easy. I have obligations here.”

  “It’ll sort itself out. But don’t stay and regret your decision wondering how things could be because you feel obligated to stay. That’s not the Heather I know.”

  “So you’re making the decision for me? Is that it?”

  She shakes her head and wishes Heather would just accept this and run. “No, of course not. I would never do that. I’m just supporting the decision you haven’t officially made.”

  Heather clenches her jaw. “So what happens to us? If I go, where does that leave us?”

  Amber chews the corner of her lips and looks away, her gaze landing on a couple walking their dog.

  “It leaves you in Hawaii and it leaves me here,” she says softly.

  Heather runs her hand through her hair as she shakes her head. “Unbelievable. You’re breaking up with me.”

  “What did you expect?! That we work this out long distance? You don’t even have a phone, Heather!” Amber wipes the tear that’s pops up in the corner of her eye. “No, I just-I can’t risk that. I’m trying to make my life go in a certain direction and that includes being here and staying here. If and when you get done with that job in Hawaii, there’s a very real chance that you’ll find something somewhere else. And that’s not a bad thing because that’s what you do, that’s your way of helping people. But if I’m going to invest in someone, I’m going to need them to stay in one place.”

  “So that’s it? This ends like this?”

  “Yeah,” she says, wiping her face and resisting the urge to cry then and there. “I’m sorry.”

  ***

  She maintains her dignity of not crying until she’s left the parking lot, Heather standing in the glow of the afternoon sun staring at her drive away. She resisted looking back for fear of changing her mind.

  The tears start to give way once she gets on the road. She wants to know she didn’t make a mistake but the more distance she puts between the two of them, the more she feels like she needs to turn around and take it all back.

  Amber is so distracted in her thoughts, she doesn’t see a police with their lights on tailing her until after a few seconds. She pulls over to a side street and waits for the police officer to walk towards her car.

  She looks up once she’s lowered the window of her car and finds Officer Stevens, Una’s husband, with an apprehensive look on his face. She sighs in defeat when he asks for her license and registration.

  Chapter Four

  Heather still wants to believe that the last hour hadn’t happened. She wants to believe that this was all some stupid mistake and that they make up from not having spoken to each other. But she’s been foolish. As angry as she is about Amber breaking up with her, Heather can’t fault her for it. She hadn’t given Amber a reason to believe otherwise, had she?

  She gets home and heads straight to her apartment even though she knows Dianne would want to know what happened. She just wants to go to sleep and pretend that none of this ever happened.

  Except Heather’s body doesn’t let her. She stays awake until it’s almost time for work. Realizing she probably can’t get any more sleep than what she’s already gotten, she makes herself a strong cup of coffee and fires up her computer. When she opens it, the tab of flights from Portland to Hawaii pops up.

  She doesn’t know if it’s a sign or not, but with what she’d just lost not twelve hours ago, she’s going to make it into one.

  She books a ticket to leave in two weeks and shoots off a short message to Rhonda.

  I’ll see you in two weeks.

  ***

  “You’re going, aren’t you?” Dianne asks as they make the drive to work that morning. Heather looks out into the darkness.

  “Yeah. How’d you know?”

  “Maternal instinct.” Heather snorts keeping the ride light. She’ll tell her about Amber later. But for now, she’ll keep quiet. She doesn’t think she should ruin anybody’s morning with the news of her breakup, especially not Dianne.

  ***

  Una’s back and a wave of relief washes over Amber when she comes into the work that morning. She’s not sure she can handle running the Bean with so much in her mind right now.

  After the morning rush, Una beckons for Amber to come into her office so she can get updated.

  “So how was it?” Una asks as she puts her glasses on.

  “It was hard. But good.”

  "Good. Was it everything you thought it’d be?”

  Amber shakes her head with a small laugh. “Not even close.”

  Una updates her of Barnie’s review of her work and the figures on the days Amber was in charge. Amber shrinks in her seat when she’s reminded of the mornings when things could have gone a lot better for her knowing that there was no one to blame but herself.

  “Overall, you did a good job. You knew how to handle yourself and I’m sure the more business classes you take, the better you’ll get at it.”

  “Thanks.” she says, glad for the recognition of her hard work and the reaffirmation from someone she respects that she’s done a good job.

  “I have to ask,” Una starts perching her glasses on her head. Amber waits expectantly. “Are you ok?”

  The confusion on her face transforms to realization. “Oh. He told you about last night, didn’t he?” Una leans forward and makes a face as if to say ‘of course.’ Amber sighs. “I’m fine, just some personal stuff I need to work through.”

  “Ok. Well, if you need anything, let me know. I can’t afford to let you get into trouble because then who’s going to open in the morning,” Una says wi
th a playful smirk.

  “It’s good to have you back, Una.”

  ***

  Breakups are hard. She’d only broken it off with Heather a week ago and she’s already hating every minute of it. Amber hasn’t gone through a breakup in a long time but she doesn’t remember it hurting this much.

  Her friends and co-workers don’t know the whole story but they can more or less put it together for themselves. They watch her handle things around them, with a little more distance, and she’s thankful that they’re giving her some space.

  “Why don’t you go out for some drinks with us tonight?” Charlene asks while they’re busy making coffee orders.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Come on. You’ve had a pout on your face for the last week. It’s gonna be fun, it’ll take your mind off of things. Look, even Ana over there is gonna come out and do her community service hanging out with the senior citizens.”

  “Low blow,” she says with a slight grin. “But fine, I’ll go.”

  ***

  She’s ready to walk back out and drive home and sit in pajamas binging on ice cream cake, but Lisa’s spotted her and called out her name. She gets ushered to the table where Charlene, Ana, Janine, and the new intern at Janine’s work, Crystal, are sitting and chatting about summer television shows.

  “Sorry to hear about you and Heather,” Lisa says while they wait at the bar to get drinks. “I know you really liked her.

  “Thanks. I did.”

  “When is she leaving?”

  “I heard next weekend.”

  “She could be back, you know.”

  “I doubt it. She’s not that kind of person. She moves around a lot.”

  “Well, I’m sure things’ll work itself out. Breakups are a bitch, though, gotta say.”

  Amber chuckles, but is otherwise glad for the consolation. She helps carry the drinks back to the table with a little brighter attitude than what she came in knowing that these people just want to see her feel better.

  ***

  “Thanks for agreeing to go to dinner with me,” Heather says as she looks through her menu.

  “As long as you’re still paying,” Lara jokes before taking a sip of her water. “Besides, I’d rather be getting a free dinner than grade a hundred science reports right now.”

  They get settled in comfortable conversation as Heather listens to Lara talk more about preparing for the end of the year and the extra grading she has to do for late assignments. She’s going to miss listening to Lara, listening to her passion for the kids and her job.

  “So are you excited?” Lara asks once they’ve gotten their food.

  “Not yet. Right now I’m just trying to get through the rest of the week.”

  “Still no word from Amber, I suppose.”

  “There’s no point. I don’t blame her, though.”

  “But you think it would be nice since you leave at the end of the week.”

  “Am I that transparent?” she asks with a slight chuckle.

  “Occupational hazard; my students like to tell me about their breakups. I want to, but I can’t escape it. They’re getting into that age where that stuff becomes their entire life.”

  Once they’re done with dinner, they head back to the parking lot.

  “So are we ever gonna see you back here at all?” Lara asks.

  She shrugs, not sure how to answer such a question. “I don’t know. Maybe. I hope so.”

  “Well, don’t be a stranger if you do ever find yourself here again.”

  “I won’t.”

  “Have a good trip when you go, all right? And try to keep in touch.”

  Heather laughs. “You sound like Dianne who sounds like my mother.”

  “What can I say, we all care about you.”

  ***

  The two weeks since she booked the ticket are a blur. Work couldn’t feel shorter, the time she spends with Dianne and Sarah is somehow getting cut from her. Meanwhile her nights seem to last longer than it should, when all she wants is some peace of mind and rest.

  She’s attempted to meet with Amber a couple of times to try and talk to her, but in the end, she changes her mind and stays home. What could she say? They’d both made their decisions. It doesn’t change how much Heather misses her, though. She has jokes to tell and stories about customers she wants to hear and time she wants to keep spending with Amber.

  But she leaves tomorrow and there’s nothing much more that she can do.

  ***

  It comes as a small surprise when Winston comes to collect her from her studio apartment the day she leaves for Hawaii.

  “How’s she doing?” she asks when she opens her door.

  “What do you think?” Winston helps carry her bag out to the driveway. “So you sure we can’t talk you out of this?”

  “No. I’m afraid not.”

  “She’s devastated but she knows you have to do it.”

  “It’s not the last you’ll see of me.”

  “Good. You help take the pressure off of me since you eat almost as much as I do.”

  Just then Sarah rolls up in the driveway to join them in sending her off to the airport. Dianne emerges from the main house with puffy eyes and a small packet of tissues. Heather exchanges a look with Winston who just shrugs.

  Winston and Dianne sit up front as Sarah and Heather take the backseat on their way to the Portland airport. The ride, for the most part, is quiet. She hears a sniffle from Dianne in front of her when they see a sign for the airport on the highway.

  “Get a phone, Heather. So you can call me all the time,” Dianne commands while she holds Heather in her arms.

  “I’ll try. I wouldn’t want Winston to be jealous, though.”

  “I wouldn’t be jealous if you called me all the time instead,” he jokes when it’s his turn to give him a hug.

  “Ok, I have a joke to send you off with,” Sarah offers when Heather gets to her.

  “Awesome. Go for it.”

  “What did the mother buffalo say when her son left for college?”

  With an excited grin that matches the one on Sarah’s face, they both shout the punchline in at the same time: “Bye-son!”

  “That was good, and thematic,” she comments as she pats Sarah in the back during their hug. “Hey, when you see Amber, will you tell her I said goodbye?”

  Sarah nods. “I will.”

  She stands in front of her friends, in front of her family, with a bag slung over one shoulder and a suitcase by her feet.

  “Uh, so this is a weird goodbye. So I’ll do that lame thing and say ‘see you later’ instead,” she says as she looks at the three of them standing in front of her and wanting there to be four. “You’ve all been great and without the three of you, I wouldn’t know how living in Grace would’ve worked out. So thanks for that.”

  “Come back when you can,” Dianne says after dabbing at her eyes.

  “I’ll do my best.”

  ***

  Amber stays home after work even though she’s fully aware that it’s the same day Heather leaves for the airport. If she was anybody else, she might have gotten into her Jeep and drove to Portland to stop her and take back what she’d said. But she’s not anybody else and her life isn’t a movie so even though she misses Heather and has felt nothing but sadness knowing that Heather’s not going to be in the same city she’s in by tomorrow morning, she’s going to stay at home. At least no one has to question her crying there.

  ***

  “This is Intro to Business. I’m your professor, Dr. Harvey.”

  Amber has never been more thankful for summer school to start giving her something to occupy her mind other than the absence Heather caused in her life.

  “You come to my class prepared. If you miss my class more than twice, you’re done. So be wise about what you do inside and outside of my class.”

  This is what Amber has wanted for a while so she’s not going to let anything or anyone jeopardize it. Not even a broken h
eart.

  ***

  “So how are you liking Dr. Harvey’s class?” Ana asks one morning at the Bean.

  “It’s good. She’s tough. She’s already given us a bunch of assignments to be done by next week.”

  “Yeah, but I hear her higher business classes are worth pursuing after you go through her Intro class. So as long as you like her and her teaching methods, then you shouldn’t have a problem taking the other classes that you need to take.”

  “What’s this I hear you’re taking more classes? Are you trying to hurry in taking Una’s job?” Charlene jokes, popping up from the backroom.

  “Over my dead body.” The three of them turn to find Una with a smirk on her face. Amber raises her hands up.

  “I said nothing.”

  “Wow, that cuts me deep. Betraying me like that,” Charlene mutters. Amber only shrugs.

  “Let’s keep the domination plans to a minimum, shall we? Or at least wait until I’m not around. Like right now, actually. Amber, you’re in charge. If Charlene steps one toe out of line, you can fire her,” Una comments with a wink before heading out.

  “You try it and see what happens to your Jeep,” Charlene threatens after Una leaves the three of them by the front counter.

  For the rest of her shift, Amber abuses her power threatening to fire Charlene because of every little thing. She thinks that if her days continue turning out like this, her heartbreak will be but a distant memory and she’ll resume her life how it’d always been.

  *

  She’s grabbing take-out dinner from Mangi’s when she runs into Janine surprising each other.

  “Whoa, there! Watch where you’re going, old lady,” Janine says with a grin.

  “What are you talking about? You’re older than me.”

  “What’re you doing here?” Amber raises her brown paper bag filled with tonight’s meal.

  “What are you doing here?”

  Janine shrugs, averts her eyes. “Standing. It’s a great sidewalk. I admire this sidewalk.”

  She’s about to open her mouth and say something when she hears someone call for them. She smiles when she sees Sarah walk up to them.

  “Hey, Amber. Janine.”