Heart of Grace Read online

  “Isn’t that a good thing?” Amber asks as she cradles a puppy in her arms.

  “No! It’s worse because then it just feels like you’re creeping on your friends’ friend and nobody wants that.”

  Despite Sarah’s protests that it’s a bad idea to pursue anything with this person, Amber still insists that she won’t know for sure if this person is interested at all of she doesn’t try to find out. Eventually Sarah shifts the attention to Amber and now she’s back to thinking about her miserable day.

  Amber laments about the frantic morning she had because of what happened between her and Heather. How their lovely dinner and cuddling somehow turned into Heather revealing that she’s considering a job in Hawaii, thousand of miles from them, from her.

  “She said ‘I don’t know’?” Sarah asks.

  “Yeah. But by the looks of it, she’s considering taking it.”

  “Bummer. But she didn’t outright say yes, so there’s still a chance, right?”

  “I guess.”

  “Just trust your heart,” Sarah declares.

  Amber laughs, though not unkind. “You first.”

  ***

  Hey, where’ve you been? I haven’t heard from you so I was wondering if you just never got my email or you’re just so remote that checking your email is impossible. But seriously, try to answer back as soon as you can. Before you know it, camp starts back up.

  Let me know your plans soon especially because Jackie’s been asking about you.

  ***

  The Hammerheads lose out on their final match of the season a disappointing 3-0 against Akers Middle and it’s the last thing Heather wanted after Amber told her to leave her apartment. But she has an obligation to the girls and the team so she swallows her sadness about one thing to make room for another.

  Lara nudges for her to give the final speech before letting them go.

  “It’s been one of the best experiences of my entire life working with all of you. I know that Coach Lara and I are so proud of how much you’ve all grown this season. I mean, I know we didn’t see eye to eye on some things at first, but we got through it and now look what you girls did. You scored the goals, you won those games, and you enjoyed playing soccer with each other. I don’t know about Coach Lara, but I’m not sure there’s anything else you could ever want.”

  Izzy pipes up from the back surprising everyone around her. “Getting to the playoffs!”

  A chorus of girls agreed and the solemn mood of the team from their loss is quickly broken only to be replaced with excited chatter winning more games next year to qualify for the playoffs.

  After hugging each one of the girls, even with a heavy heart, Heather can’t help wipe the smile off her face.

  Once everyone’s gone and it’s just Heather and Lara putting the balls and the cones away for the last time in the storage room, Lara turns to face her.

  “Thanks for taking the job.”

  Heather just shakes her head. “Thanks for letting me be here.”

  “Hey, I told you.”

  “Told me what?”

  “You’re a natural.”

  ***

  For as long as Heather’s known Amber (and to her realization it’s truly only been a few months at most), this is the longest they haven’t spoken to each other. She’d hoped that Amber could make their last game but she understands why when she looks back at the stands where Winston, Dianne, and Sarah are sitting, Amber is nowhere in sight.

  It’s only been three days that they’ve been apart from each other and Heather’s upset at herself because of how much it affects her. It upsets her so much that she spends three days of just holing herself up in her studio apartment after work now that soccer is over like some emotional teenager, and Dianne’s had enough of it.

  “You’re acting like a child.”

  “This is your moment to shine,” she replies sarcastically as she lays on her bed throwing and catching the soccer ball in the air.

  Dianne groans before sitting catching the ball in midair and throwing it down on the ground. She then climbs on the bed and nestles herself to Heather’s side.

  “Winston might walk in on us cuddling. You know how he loves cuddling. He could get jealous.”

  “Shut up. I just need you to shut up.”

  Heather does as she’s told and just lays beside Dianne as they stare at her spackled ceiling. After a couple of minutes, Dianne clears her throat.

  “Go talk to her.”

  Heather can’t help but roll her eyes. “I don’t think you understand how this goes. She’s the one ignoring me.”

  “Should that stop you?”

  “I’d really rather talk about something else.”

  “Fine. We can talk about why someone offered you a job weeks ago and you didn’t tell me. It’s not just about you, you know.” Heather sighs when she hears the hurt in Dianne’s voice.

  “It’s what I do. You know that. You’ve always known that.”

  “It doesn’t make it any less hurtful.” Heather extends a hand and places it on top of Dianne’s hand.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Good. You should be.”

  They stay like that for about five more minutes as Dianne lets Heather tell her about the camp in Maui and how it’s one of the main reasons she enjoys working with younger people in the first place (“If I’d never gone to do it, I would never have accepted the coaching job.” “You make it hard for me to hate you for considering it.”).

  Dinner time rolls around and Heather’s stomach grumbles prompting the two of them to get up and head down to the main house. Surprising even herself, Heather feels a little better, glad not only for the distraction but for Dianne listening to her without judgment.

  It’s what she loves best about Dianne. Win, lose, or draw, Dianne’s always going to be in her corner.

  ***

  Heather opens her email from Rhonda.

  Been super busy but I’m thinking about it. I’ll try to let you know as soon as I can.

  She sends her reply and returns to her Inbox where the rest of her messages are full of email exchanges with Amber. Knowing she should talk to her soon, she clicks on New and starts typing out a message for Amber. But she stops after writing ‘Amber, I’ not knowing how to continue it.

  She closes the window.

  ***

  Needing to unwind even after a nice dinner with Dianne and Winston, Heather heads to Nina’s just to have a change of scenery from her studio apartment.

  “Where’s the rest of your party?” Fiona asks after serving her beer.

  “Just me tonight.”

  “Long day?”

  She shrugs with a chuckle. “Something like that. Why, are you a therapist on top of being a bartender?”

  “Not officially. Anyway, let me know if you need anything else all right?”

  Now left alone, Heather scans the rest of the room just to see how pitiful she is in comparison to the other people in this place.

  Just as she’s about to claim top prize of most pitiful, her eyes land on someone in a booth with their head on the table twirling the bottle. She keeps staring until she realizes she knows who that person is: Janine.

  She puts a couple of bills on the counter before walking over to Janine’s booth. They’re no best friends, but she’s come to know Janine and considers her a good friend.

  She settles on the seat across from Janine but doesn’t so much as look up, just keeps twirling her bottle between her fingers. Heather clears her throat but Janine doesn’t move. She clears her throat again but she’s met with the same response. She coughs this time and finally, Janine looks up with but not before rolling her eyes.

  “You should get that checked out,” Janine comments when she lifts her head up.

  “Just wanted to make sure you were still alive. A thank you would be nice.”

  “As you can see, I am totally alive and well. Unfortunately.”

  Heather furrows her brows. “What’s up, Janin
e? Did something bad happen?”

  Janine laughs bitterly before taking a swig of her drink. “Only I would think this was a bad problem.”

  Heather opens her palms in front of her and shrugs, signaling Janine to continue. So Janine takes her up on her offer.

  Janine tells the story of how for the last three days, there’s been a box of chocolate chip muffin that lands on the reception desk after she comes back from her lunch break with no message but a small note signed 88.

  “88?” she asks. Janine answers only by pulling the notes from the last three days out of her pocket and laying them out in front of her. Heather picks them all up and inspects all three. Sure enough there is a signature that looks like an 88.

  Heather brings one of the notes closer and something in her mind clicks. That 8 is not an 8, but an S. And there are two of them.

  “It’s the weirdest thing. That number could mean anything or completely nothing. And it bothers me.”

  She holds her tongue and lets Janine continue to talk all the while staring at the note. It looks familiar, like she’s seen this signature before, but she can’t place from where.

  “Aren’t secret admirers usually a good thing?” she asks when Janine finishes explaining her situation.

  “You’d think, right? But it’s throwing me off my groove here. I’m the one who’s always been chasing other people. I don’t remember a time that I didn’t pursue the other person.”

  “Even when you don’t have a chance?” she asks, thinking of Janine’s never-ending attempts to flirt with Una at the Bean.

  “Especially when I don’t have a chance. It’s just who I am. So to have someone flip the tables on me like this, and do it in such a stupidly endearing way makes me hate all of it.” Heather quirks a brow at Janine’s sudden outrage and Janine sinks back into her seat. “Ok, maybe not hate, because I don’t actually hate it. I just hate that it’s making me uncomfortable because I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. I don’t know where I stand.”

  Heather sighs before returning the note back to Janine who pockets them. “Maybe this is a good thing,” she offers finally.

  “What? Drink myself halfway to alcoholism because I don’t know what this person sees in me?”

  “No, I mean that this is a new experience. Underneath all that discomfort, doesn’t it feel nice that someone’s thinking of you enough to get you chocolate chip muffins?”

  “I guess.” Janine orders another beer and offers one to Heather who declines it, reasoning that of all the things that should happen to her in this life, driving a moped not 100% completely sober shouldn’t be one of them. “Anyway, why are you here? Where’s Amber?”

  Heather scratches her forehead. “Probably at home. I don’t know.”

  “Uh oh. Ok, I told you mine. Tell me yours.”

  After a little more prompting, Heather relents and tells Janine about their fight and how they haven’t spoken in days.

  “That shit is rough. So are you gonna take the job?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “When are you supposed to decide?”

  “Soon, I guess. The job’s at the end of May.”

  “So what’s stopping you?”

  “From deciding?”

  “Yeah. Why haven’t you made a decision about it yet?”

  She sighs wondering the same thing for the last couple of weeks. “I guess I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing or where I stand either.” Janine chuckles and raises her bottle for Heather to clink it with hers.

  ***

  It’s the fourth day not talking to Heather and she’s getting tired of it. She’d gone to Heather’s apartment last night so they can finally talk, her anger and surprise finally subsiding, but Dianne told her that she’d gone out and Amber should just try again later.

  She’s able to bounce back from the crazy that was a couple of days ago, trying to prove that that was nothing but a fluke because she’s here to do a good job.

  “Hey, has Janine come in today? Ana asks once the lunch rush passes.

  “Yeah, where’s good ol’ Loverbird been?” Charlene asks after wiping down a few of the tables.

  Amber furrows her brow before looking around the Bean and not finding the woman in question there. “That’s weird. Maybe she’s sick.”

  “Lovesick probably, that Una’s not around.”

  Just as Amber gets off of work an hour later when they wondered about Janine, she gets a call from her.

  “Janine, where’ve you been?”

  “Oh god, Ambs, I’m so hungry. Can you bring me some food?”

  “What? Where are you?”

  “Across the street.”

  “So go get your food yourself.”

  “I can’t! I can’t let this secret admirer get the better of me again. I haven’t left this desk since I sat down this morning and I am starving.”

  “Why didn’t you just get food delivered to you?” There’s a pause in the line and Amber can just hear Janine swear under her breath.

  “See what this secret admirer is doing to me? It’s messing with my head. Bring me a sandwich or some pound cake or something. Cracker packets, anything. The end is near.”

  Amber rolls her eyes. “Fine. I’ll be there in a couple of minutes.”

  Once she’s gotten some food from the Bean, she makes her way to Dr. Olsen’s optometry office across the street. Once she appears out of the elevator, Janine’s eyes brighten.

  “Bless your soul. Santa will reward you this Christmas.”

  “There’s a $20 delivery fee for making me walk all the way over here.”

  “Yeah, whatever, take it out of my paycheck . Just hand me the bag.”

  As Janine gets situated with her late lunch, Amber catches a peek of the handful Sunnyside Bakery boxes on the corner of Janine’s desk.

  “Are those the boxes from your secret admirer?” she asks. Amber picks the one on the top and plucks the note stuck to the top of it, recognizing the handwriting.

  “They signed it with an 88. Who does that?” She tilts the note and sees 88 but all she see is the initials on the delivery receipts she gets every morning. She smiles to herself when she connects the dots.

  “Huh. It does look like an 88.”

  “That’s what I said!” Janine said with her mouth half-full. “Whoever this person is is making my life complicated. If only Una loved me back, I wouldn’t have this problem.”

  “That’s a lost cause, Jan. Give that one up.”

  “At least I know what kind of cause that one is instead of this one. Anyway, have you talked to Heather yet?”

  “Why would you ask that?” she ask, her eyes looking past the note still in her hand.

  Janine, mid-chew, stops and stares at her. “Uh, because I’m your friend? Also because I ran into her last night at Nina’s. She told me about the thing in Hawaii. It sounds like a good opportunity, to be honest.”

  She quirks a brow. “Oh, does it?”

  “Sure. Working with kids to help them make something of themselves? That sounds like exactly something she would do, you know?”

  “I know.”

  A comfortable silence falls between them as Amber thinks about Janine’s words while the other woman keeps eating.

  “Ok, as lovely as this was and I thank you forever for this meal, you should probably go since I am on the clock. And I don’t want this secret admirer to change their mind and fall for you instead. You already have a girlfriend.”

  Amber gives her the box and the note back, waving goodbye to Janine.

  She’s halfway through to the elevators when she turns back around.

  “If you ever want to find out who your secret admirer is, I’d start with the boxes on your desk.”

  Janine starts to ask her for more information but she just shakes her head and waves as the elevator door closes.

  ***

  “They want me to talk to you about coaching again next year,” Lara says as they sit on the bleachers
side by side looking out onto the empty field. “And not just about soccer. I told them you were pretty good at tennis at least from how I remember you in college.”

  “That’s generous, Lara, but…”

  “The kids love you, Heather.”

  Heather shifts in her seat scratching the side of her neck. “I, um, I got offered a job somewhere else. It’s a youth camp I’d worked in before.”

  “Oh. That’s exciting. Good for you. Really.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Have you accepted?”

  “No. I’m still thinking about it.”

  “Well,” Lara starts when she turns to Heather. “I consider you a good friend, always have. And now I can consider you a fellow coach. The best I can do is make a pitch and hope you think about it.”

  Heather laughs a little but turns to her friend. “Ok. Go for it. What’s your pitch?”

  Lara sits up and closes her eyes before taking deep breaths (“I have to get in character, hang on.”).

  When she’s ready, she opens her eyes. “Here goes. You’ve lit the spirits in those girls’ hearts. and I’d like to think that they’ve done the same for you. We’d love to have you here because I think that you’ll do great things. But whatever you decide, you’re helping people and that’s what I’ve always admired about you.”

  “That’s pretty good. I’ll think about it.”

  Lara nods in appreciation. “Good. That’s all I ask.”

  ***

  When Heather rides back to home, Dianne’s waiting for her in the driveway.

  “Amber came by again.”

  “Oh. How’d she look?”

  “About as good as you.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  “She said she’ll be at Tarren Park at 5. She wants to talk to you probably because it’s been four days since you two even saw each other.” Heather reaches for Dianne’s wrist with her watch and checks the time. It’s 4:30.

  “Downside of relationships, I guess.” She parks her moped to the side and starts walking to the main house.